He gives and takes away.... And both are good

The month of October has naturally been a somber time for us since 2009. On October 10, 2009 Ryan and I had our first miscarriage. I remember almost every detail: where I was, the thoughts running through my mind, and the tears that followed. The feelings of loss, despair, and anger lasted for weeks and then months; Until our next miscarriage two months later when those feelings magnified, and our last in May 2010. I remember getting up early each morning asking God why He would take our children away from us. What was the purpose? One morning I began to pray, questioning God not out of my sincere curiosity, but my prideful, arrogant heart. To my surprise, my answer was in the form of a question: “Emma is the cross enough for you or do you need children too?” Though, it was not an audible voice, God spoke to my heart and I finally got my answer.

I’ve come to understand “deserve” is a stupid word. Because of our sin, there is a separation between us and God; a chasm that can only be crossed by not only good works, but perfect obedience. If we’re honest, we realize quickly that we fail….Miserably. From before the foundation of the world, God set out His plan to redeem a people for Himself. He chose to execute His plan by coming down to earth in the form of Jesus Christ. Jesus lived a life of perfect obedience, He was mocked, spit on, flogged and at the end of His life, He was nailed to a cross to drink the cup of God’s wrath that was intended for you and I, three days later He rose from the grave, conquering sin and death- so that all who trust in Him will be 1. Forgiven of the debt that stood against us and 2. Washed clean so that when God looks at us He does not see our filth, but instead sees the righteousness of Jesus.

I deserve the wrath of God; I deserve hell. But because of God’s goodness, He chose to pick me up, wash me, and forgive me by paying the penalty for my sin Himself. It was not sinful for me to grieve the loss of my child. To be honest, I’m still grieving the loss of all of our children. But to question God’s goodness in my life is utter blasphemy. He has shown His incomprehensible love and grace toward me on the cross. How dare I say that is not enough? How dare I demand the cross plus children? How dare I demand the cross plus anything. He alone is enough for me; He is sufficient. And I told Him that that day. And for no reason other than His goodness and mercy, He chose to end our painful pattern of death, by bringing new life on April 2, 2011.

7 Truths for the saints from Ephesians 1

1. God the Father has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.

2. God chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before Him.

3. In love, God adopted us as sons and daughters.

4. In Christ, we have redemption through His blood.

5. We are forgiven from our trespasses according to His grace.

6. In Christ, we have an inheritance.

7. When we heard the word of truth, the gospel of our salvation, and believed in Him, we were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit.

Updates!!

~ Isabelle( or shall I say baby Ryan) is now sitting in her big girl bath seat (thank you Amy! ). She is now a "supported sitter", and can also sit by herself for just a few seconds :) My bellabug is growing up!

Lastly, my Mr. Handsome with his new glasses and the beginning of a beard (two things I never thought would happen). =)

~Our Sweet Potato girl~

After Isabelle's 4 month appointment, Dr. Guse gave the ok to introduce her to solid foods! As you can see, she loved them!! Mommy & Daddy thought they were pretty disgusting. To our surprise they didn't actually taste like sweet potatoes- more like chalk and dog food :/. I went in to this whole "Food thing" thinking as a mom, I should try them first....Never again

A cry of thankfulness

Ryan, Isabelle, and I were in a car accident over the weekend. Many thoughts have pervaded my mind over the last few days, but one in particular has been reoccurring - God is so good.

God has been so good to me & so faithful throughout my life from before I was conceived, through my: adoption, dark teenage years,marriage, miscarriages, miraculous baby blessing, collision with a semi, to now as I sit still in awe of His sovereignty and goodness. God has been good to me in so many ways, but nothing can compare to the ultimate gift He has given me through Jesus. For reasons none other than His glory and goodness, the Lord chose to forgive me for my wickedness; my deviation from His glorious will. He has saved me from my sin, which if not forgiven, would have sent me to eternal torment and separation from Him.

I am thankful everyone survived. But the truth is, there will be a day when my life will be over. And on that day, I will be judged by Christ and found innocent because He washed me and clothed me with His righteousness.

Common Accessory? or Only Hope?

The pains of this world are so deep and constant. At times it seems joy is at the end of a bottomless pit. We'll never find it- or maybe it doesn't really exist. The lost will find momentary pleasure in this world, followed by an eternity of pain. The found, will surely suffer in this life, but in the end will have eternal joy. Are we lost or found? Are we deceiving ourselves in thinking we're a daughter or a son? How do we know? Do we love Jesus?- I mean love Him, not the things he provides. Or is Jesus an accessory? something that is admirable to profess, but nonessential. Do we go to church or are we the church? Is there a difference and if there is, do we know it? The conversations I've been a part of recently should leave us all awake at night pleading with God to save. There will be people who genuinely believe themselves to be saved by their faith, but empty faith is not saving faith. The only true faith is faith in Jesus the Christ; fully God and fully man. It is not of most importance that we know Him, but that He knows us. We must trust Him, not only because He calls us to, but because there is no other hope, but hope in Christ.

" Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross thereby killing the hostility."
Ephesians 2:12-16

Mother's Day continued......

Mother's Day continued.....

Mother's Day

I know this entry is late, but I thought I would post a few pictures =) Kudos to my wonderful hubby and sweet little girl for their fantastic artwork!

Morning Interrupted

Psalm 46:10 came to mind this morning as I was cleaning- "Be still and know that I am God." Do we really do that?? Do we ever just stop what we're currently doing be it cleaning, driving, working, blogging etc and think about God? I know I don't do that enough. My life seems so chaotic at times, I rarely just stop and think about Him; His character. I rarely think about His love for me, His sacrifice, His holiness. I need to do that....Now

~Wonderful Whirlwind~

The last month has went by so fast. Isabelle is growing by leaps and bounds. It seems like we just brought her home from the hospital. She will be 6 weeks on Saturday and time is going by so fast. I'm learning to savor every smile and laugh (yes! she is laughing already). Isabelle has been sleeping through the night. Prayerfully this will continue so I can get back to blogging regularly..... Mother's Day pics are still to come...Stay tuned!

Hope in the Redeemer

It seems as if I have been pregnant for a year and a half. Three miscarriages back to back takes a toll not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well; but by the grace of God, and only by His grace am I able to introduce to you, Isabelle Grace Cole -born April 2, 2011 @ 3:23pm. God is faithful & He alone gets all the praise. Thank you Jesus for a healthy, beautiful baby girl who has her daddy's pastiness =)

"For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.


I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.


My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you."

~Psalm 139:13-18

Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream

God has used this book to radically change the way we view the Lord's calling on our lives. It is evident in the Scriptures that faith in Christ produces a radical love and devotion for him and others. Our hope is that this book may be used of God to bring a deeper understanding of this life of radical abandonment to Jesus Christ to your lives as well.

Grace & Peace, Ryan and Emma

Below is a video from the author, David Platt:

http://vimeo.com/10281195

Fighting the feminist's lie with the truth of the gospel

I love this picture- Not just because it was one of the most joyful moments of my life( it was certainly that), but because of what happened in this moment. On June 20, 2009 I became Ryan Cole's wife. My role changed in a magnificent way. I was now a helper to my husband; designed to complement, graciously submit, and affirm his leadership- A model of Christ's Church.

Somewhere along the way, we've lost sight of not only the responsibility we have to model the Church, but the responsibility we have as women to uphold what it means to be a women. We buy into the lie that being a man is somehow of greater value than being a woman, so we emasculate our husbands by taking over his God-given role, exercise authority in the church, pick up the feminist torch, and hold our heads high - all the while missing the beauty in being a woman.

My intention is not to start a blog war over egalitarian and complementarian views, nor is it to indict women pastors/women elders (that may come later). My intention is to plead with the women who claim Christ to repent from narcissistic ambition and turn to a loving God who created you to be daughters not sons, submissive to your husbands not disrespectful & rude, feminine not masculine.

Titus 2 paints a picture of the older women teaching the younger women to love their husbands and children; to be homeward focused and graciously submissive. This is how disciple-making looks among women who claim Christ. This is one of the means by which the Lord chooses to teach women about womanhood. I need women like this in my life. I want to speak with as much candor as I possibly can. I need godly women willing to come along side me and teach me how to love my husband and children. We all need women like that in our lives. We're all called to make disciples- this is just one way we, as women can do this effectively. Let's fight the feminist's lie with the truth of the gospel.

Titus Tips

Over the last six months God has given me a deeper love for my husband than ever before. Through the Scriptures, He has shown me love is more than a word and my role as a wife is not to be taken lightly. Daily i'm faced with the reality that marriage was designed to depict the relationship between Christ and His church, and daily i'm faced with the reality that I do such a poor job modeling this in my own marriage, but by God's grace He continues to be patient with me; correcting me and leading me to repentance. What a loving God we serve.

To understand how to be the wives we are called to be, we must first understand that we cannot do this on our own. No Barnes & Noble self help book will be able to remove the sin that stands between us and God. We must look to the cross; to Jesus. Ephesians 2: 12 states, " Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." We were once alienated but now reconciled.

We must understand that we have nothing to bring to the table; there is no good in us. No matter what we do we cannot please an infinitely holy God. But Jesus did. Jesus lived the perfect life we were suppose live, but didn't. By dying on the cross, he took the punishment for our sin, at the same time crediting his perfect life to our account; by putting our faith in Jesus, we will have eternal life and will no longer be enslaved to sin.

The gospel must be our foundation; not only in being a Christ- honoring wife, but in every aspect of our life. Over the next several weeks (and hopefully months) I will be posting what I call, "Titus Tips" to encourage women toward godliness in their daily lives. I have by no means perfected this nor will I in this lifetime. My hope is that this will be edifying for all of us and above all, glorify our Father.