Saturday, October 22, 2011
The month of October has naturally been a somber time for us since 2009. On October 10, 2009 Ryan and I had our first miscarriage. I remember almost every detail: where I was, the thoughts running through my mind, and the tears that followed. The feelings of loss, despair, and anger lasted for weeks and then months; Until our next miscarriage two months later when those feelings magnified, and our last in May 2010. I remember getting up early each morning asking God why He would take our children away from us. What was the purpose? One morning I began to pray, questioning God not out of my sincere curiosity, but my prideful, arrogant heart. To my surprise, my answer was in the form of a question: “Emma is the cross enough for you or do you need children too?” Though, it was not an audible voice, God spoke to my heart and I finally got my answer.
I’ve come to understand “deserve” is a stupid word. Because of our sin, there is a separation between us and God; a chasm that can only be crossed by not only good works, but perfect obedience. If we’re honest, we realize quickly that we fail….Miserably. From before the foundation of the world, God set out His plan to redeem a people for Himself. He chose to execute His plan by coming down to earth in the form of Jesus Christ. Jesus lived a life of perfect obedience, He was mocked, spit on, flogged and at the end of His life, He was nailed to a cross to drink the cup of God’s wrath that was intended for you and I, three days later He rose from the grave, conquering sin and death- so that all who trust in Him will be 1. Forgiven of the debt that stood against us and 2. Washed clean so that when God looks at us He does not see our filth, but instead sees the righteousness of Jesus.
I deserve the wrath of God; I deserve hell. But because of God’s goodness, He chose to pick me up, wash me, and forgive me by paying the penalty for my sin Himself. It was not sinful for me to grieve the loss of my child. To be honest, I’m still grieving the loss of all of our children. But to question God’s goodness in my life is utter blasphemy. He has shown His incomprehensible love and grace toward me on the cross. How dare I say that is not enough? How dare I demand the cross plus children? How dare I demand the cross plus anything. He alone is enough for me; He is sufficient. And I told Him that that day. And for no reason other than His goodness and mercy, He chose to end our painful pattern of death, by bringing new life on April 2, 2011.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
2. God chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before Him.
3. In love, God adopted us as sons and daughters.
4. In Christ, we have redemption through His blood.
5. We are forgiven from our trespasses according to His grace.
6. In Christ, we have an inheritance.
7. When we heard the word of truth, the gospel of our salvation, and believed in Him, we were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
God has been so good to me & so faithful throughout my life from before I was conceived, through my: adoption, dark teenage years,marriage, miscarriages, miraculous baby blessing, collision with a semi, to now as I sit still in awe of His sovereignty and goodness. God has been good to me in so many ways, but nothing can compare to the ultimate gift He has given me through Jesus. For reasons none other than His glory and goodness, the Lord chose to forgive me for my wickedness; my deviation from His glorious will. He has saved me from my sin, which if not forgiven, would have sent me to eternal torment and separation from Him.
I am thankful everyone survived. But the truth is, there will be a day when my life will be over. And on that day, I will be judged by Christ and found innocent because He washed me and clothed me with His righteousness.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
" Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross thereby killing the hostility."
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The last month has went by so fast. Isabelle is growing by leaps and bounds. It seems like we just brought her home from the hospital. She will be 6 weeks on Saturday and time is going by so fast. I'm learning to savor every smile and laugh (yes! she is laughing already). Isabelle has been sleeping through the night. Prayerfully this will continue so I can get back to blogging regularly..... Mother's Day pics are still to come...Stay tuned!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
It seems as if I have been pregnant for a year and a half. Three miscarriages back to back takes a toll not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well; but by the grace of God, and only by His grace am I able to introduce to you, Isabelle Grace Cole -born April 2, 2011 @ 3:23pm. God is faithful & He alone gets all the praise. Thank you Jesus for a healthy, beautiful baby girl who has her daddy's pastiness =)
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you."